Moving on
by Makkura Arashi
Summary: YAOI OR SOMETHING LIKE ITshuichi dies in a tragic car crash and yuki cant take it anymore. tohma and k decide to keep an eye one him and k has to start living with Yuki as roomates. eight months pass, will k tell Yuki how he feels?
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I don't own….. _(Struggles for the keyboard with Yuki) I'm only borrowing it for a while Yuki! You're the one who gave me the idea! Let go!_ (Knocks him out with a vase…_Shuichi's gonna kill me!_ And gets back to typing) I don't own gravitation or any of its characters…but the way they act…it's like they own me! Maybe…they do…I mean I dream about them, brush my teeth thinking of them, study thinking bout them…maybe Ryu-chan is right…I need to see a shrink!

Chapter 1: Pain.

"La li ho! La li ho!" Shuichi hummed as the eight cans of beer he had drunk got to him. He decided he had had enough…Yuki would be waiting for him. He walked up to Hiro and prodded him. "Hiro…lets go…Yuki'll be waiting."

Hiro looked at him blearily. "Shuichi…I think we should stay put, there's no way I can drive home. Maybe you should ask Yuki to come and get you."

"Nah…Hiro. He's busy. Tell you what I'll drive." Shuichi caught hold of his collar and started dragging him out still humming to himself.

"Ok!" Hiro was in no mood to wonder whether Shuichi knew how to drive. They walked to Hiro's new car and got in. Shuichi took off at a good start. They started singing songs from their own album as well as Nittle grasper at the top of their voices.

Shuichi smiled he was having fun…his Yuki would be waiting for him, then they could have more fun. It was funny how Yuki had opened up suddenly. Their relationship had being going so much better in the past few days. Oblivious to his surroundings he closed his eyes for a bit…the beer was making him drowsy…he never could hold much beer…maybe this had been a bad idea…he should have stayed at the party. He forced his eyes open. Hiro had gone into yelling about how he wanted to make up with Ayaka after their recent fight and kept breaking into love songs suddenly. Shuichi sighed…he wanted to get this drive over with…his eyes closed once more, he almost nodded off, when a scream from Hiro woke him, just in time to look at the truck he was crashing into…_Yuki_…

KK

KK

Yuki was lounging on his sofa wondering where the brat was…it was really late and Suguru had told him that he had left the party ages ago. He sighed…Shuichi didn't have the keys so it wasn't like Yuki could just go to sleep; the brat would wake him up by banging on the door constantly. He waited up for a few more minutes and decided to go to bed. Shuichi'd just have to sleep outside or at Hiro's. He had just dropped off when the phone rang. _Must be the brat…he must be waiting outside the door._

Yuki picked up the phone. "Hello baka…where are you?"

"Ah…is that Yuki-san? This is Mr. K. could you come down to the hospital please? It's urgent…"

Yuki stood as still as stone. "Is Shuichi alright?" his stomach plummeted, as K hesitated on the phone. "I'll be right down."

KK

KK

K sat with his head in his hands. He didn't know how he was going to face Yuki when he got here. He swallowed and stood up as he heard footsteps coming towards him.

"Where is he? Where's my Shuichi? Is he alright? I want to see him now K-san!" Yuki caught hold of his shoulders, with a grip like steel.

"Yuki-san…Shuichi's had an accident. He's in surgery right now…why don't you sit here with me and wait for the news?" K spoke in a controlled voice. He hoped he didn't sound as panicked as he felt.

"How?" Yuki sank into a chair. He buried his face in his hands. "How?"

K sat down as well. "He and Hiro were driving back…he was drunk Yuki-san. He didn't see the truck coming until it was too late. They…they crashed right into it. Hiro's in a coma…he's been pretty badly hurt…a few ribs broken, he was hemorrhaging…but the doctors said he'll be fine. They don't know when he'll wake up though. But Shuichi…I don't know anything about yet." He glanced at Yuki.

The man was pale and staring at the floor in some kind of trance. He looked up a bit as Suguru, Sakano and the rest trooped in, and then looked back down.

After an hours wait, the doctor cam out. Yuki jumped up and turned to the doctor. "How is he?"

The doctor tried to look the man in the eye. "I'm sorry Yuki-san. We tried our best."

K-san looked at Yuki…he knew something like this had been coming. He'd seen the car and Shuichi when he had been brought in. Yuki's eyes were closed and his fists were clenched. Lines of pain etched his face. He looked up at the doctor… "Can I see him?"

The doctor hesitated a bit and glanced at the others, before nodding his head. He guided Yuki into the room and left him there. Yuki reached toward the cloth that covered his lover's body, his hand shaking. He pulled it back and almost fainted. Shuichi's face was crushed…you couldn't make out his features very well, and though the doctors had tried to clean him up, there was blood everywhere. Yuki pulled the cloth back in place and turned back. He walked out into the corridor. Tohma and Mika looked at him anxiously, before walking up to him and hugging him. He pulled away and looked at K.

"K-san, would you please make the funeral arrangements? I'd like to see Hiro, and then I'll be going back home. I need sometime alone…get the best of everything please." Yuki walked towards Hiro's ward like a man in dream.

Hiro was bandaged up almost everywhere. The IV tubes stuck into him and the oxygen mask looked unreal to Yuki…he watched the guitarist for sometime before leaving. _His life was gone…how could he live again?_

_KK_

_KK_

K looked out the window and saw Yuki drive off. Something didn't feel right…he finished making a few calls and set off to Yuki's house. The uneasy feeling was still there. He took the steps to at a time and rang the bell. No one answered…K was starting to get frantic…suddenly he remembered that he had Shuichi's belongings with him. He rummaged through looking for the key but didn't find one. He broke down the door just in time to see Yuki tip the bottle of pills down his throat. He ran forward and knocked the bottle out of his hands, scattering the pills all over the floor.

"What do you think you're doing Yuki? Hasn't there been enough death and pain today?"

Yuki looked up at him, with a bewildered stare… "Shuichi's gone…he's gone…my life's gone…"

"Do you really think Shuichi would have wanted you to kill yourself? Yuki, he loved you…he would have wanted you to go on with your life. You can't just die…you have to face it!" K knelt down and looked into the other mans eyes. He winced at the pain in them. _Come on Yuki please see sense…you have to go on living…I won't let you die!_

Yuki stared at the big American, tears slowly welled up in his eyes and he broke into deep sobs. It was almost like his very soul had been wrenched out of him. He buried his hand in his face and sobbed like he had when he had killed Kitazawa Yuki. He felt arms encircle him…K was hugging him, holding him close.

K looked down at the man he had loved since he had met him. He held him close and rocked him a bit. He bit his lip, to keep from crying himself…he let the younger man have a good cry and then got up. He made some coffee for the both of them and forced Yuki to drink it. Then he guided Yuki to his bedroom and waited until he was sure the man had gone to sleep.

He watched the steady rise of Yuki's chest and smoothed back his hair. _Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't Shuichi just have waited for the morning? Actually why hadn't he stopped Shuichi when he had seen them leave?_

K walked to the kitchen, and fixed himself another coffee. He was wondering how to keep an eye on Yuki…he dialed Tohma and told him had had occurred.

"So how shall we keep an eye on him? He seems really worn out. Do you think he'll agree to stay with you guys?"

"I don't think so K-san. After that fight we had about him and Shuichi, he's been avoiding us…you saw in the hospital. Um…K-san why don't you ask him to stay with you or you stay with him? Well… you know he listens to you. I'll even give you a few days off to help him…just a request K-san, not an order. But if you could do it I'll be grateful…Mika and I really can't help him, if he doesn't want us too. We will come and meet him a lot, but if he doesn't want to stay with us can he stay with you?"

A/N: a pretty short chapter, but there's more to come. I really like this pairing for some odd reason. Any way what do you think? I really hated killing Shuichi, but it kinda made it more interesting. Please review.

Arashi.


	2. Feelings of Loss

Disclaimer: Shu-chan, do the disclaimer for me please!

Shu-chan: Arashi doesn't own gravitation or any of its characters, buthe killed me nevertheless! So this is my ghost speaking…I love you Yuki! I'm waiting don't go out with K! I'm not that righteous and I'm feeling really selfish now so die already!

Arashi: (drags Shu-chan away) you're dead so SHUT UP! Anyway one and all don't worry Yuki will not die and he will start seeing K sometime soon. Now I really need to get back to torturing Shu-chan's ghost so enjoy reading!

A/N: thanks to all those who reviewed. Firewithin, hoshi-hiru, flippy and EMYLI. really appreiciate it.

Chapter 2: Feeling of loss.

K woke up as the alarm went off…he looked around a little blearily…where was he? It was Yuki's place! Then he remembered the night before and groaned. He wondered how Yuki was doing. He tiptoed to Yuki's room and peeped in, the novelist was still fast a sleep, his face buried in his pillow. K sighed. Today was the funeral, he checked his watch it was still seven, another five minutes and then he'd have to wake Yuki and ask him to get dressed.

He took the liberty to make some coffee and sipped it wishing he could drown in it. He kicked himself, wondering why he had agreed to Tohma's scheme… to live with and keep an eye on Yuki. But it was necessary and it wasn't that he didn't like Yuki; it was just that he didn't trust himself with Yuki around.

While K drowned himself in his coffee and his thoughts, Yuki was just waking up. He opened his eyes slowly; lines of pain starting to form on his face as he realized what had happened. He choked back the sobs breathing in deeply until they were under control and stared at the ceiling. Thought of Shuichi flashed through his mind. He didn't want to get out of bed…he wanted to lie there forever and slowly die. A sound in the kitchen roused him out of his thoughts. He swung himself out of bed with an effort, remembering that as much as he wanted to stay in bed and die…he also really wanted to say goodbye…today was the funeral… he swallowed the lump in his throat and started walking out of the room. He wouldn't act like a raving maniac, crying all over Shuichi's body…he would cry when he was alone.

He walked into the kitchen and saw K rinsing his cup. He walked up to the cupboard and picked up another cup and helped himself to some of the coffee in the pot. Then he walked to the living room and turned on the TV. The first thing that came on was a picture of Shuichi.

"_The tragic death of the singer Shindou Shuichi has left us all devastated…"_ a few pictures of Shuichi's battered car flicked through the screen. Then a few more videos of thousands of fans, most of them weeping came on screen. Yuki switched off the TV and stared at the blank screen.

"Good morning Yuki-san." K walked in and sat down in one of the chairs.

Yuki continued to stare at the TV, with out even a hint that he'd heard him. K sighed…he really didn't know what to say, he stood up and was about to walk away when…

"He was so cheerful, K-san. I always woke up to his smile…he knew everything about me, my past and he didn't care! He's the only person who made me feel whole…he made me feel alive and now he's gone. Why did have to be him? Why didn't he call me I would have picked him up! It hurts so much to see all those fans out there on the news, crying there hearts out! But then in a few days time they'll all be back to normal and lead their own little lives completely forgetting him…and then there's me…I'll never be able to get back to leading a normal life! It'll be torture again! Why do you think God hates me so much? He just wants to hurt me again and again!" Yuki talked with out looking up. He was still staring at the screen with eyes filled with pain and anger.

K turned to look at him. He really didn't know what to say, other than helplessly look at the other man. He was a little surprised that Yuki was actually talking to him, of all people. "Yuki-san. I know you're feeling hurt and you wish to die. I also know how much you loved Shuichi…but then sometimes there are obstacles in life and you have to face them. Its going hurt a lot, but then really, Shuichi would never have wanted you to give up." K had never felt so lame in his life. He really wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know how! And he knew a hug wouldn't do any good considering Yuki didn't look like he'd let anyone touch him. "Um…I think I'll take a shower Yuki-san and then we can drive down to the funeral."

kk

kk

Yuki looked at the grave in front of him. It was heaped with flowers. Everyone had left and at last Yuki got to sit down alone with his lover. Somehow the grave looked serene…something Shuichi had never been except when he was sleeping. Tears filled Yuki's eyes again, but he choked them back. "I…love you Shuichi." He reached out and brushed the grave stone. "I don't know how I'm going to live with out you…I don't even know why I made that stupid promise! I wish I could break it…but I cant…and you baka manager wont let me. Who am I going to talk to Shuichi? You promised never to leave me." His whispering ended just as he sank into the memory of one of their conversations.

_It had been a nice night. Yuki had just got news that his latest novel was again a best seller. So there was a nice big paycheck…he'd even offered to take Shuichi out, but the pink haired man had refused…choosing instead to cuddle up with him on the sofa and talk about their life. They had talked for a while…between all the kissing, when Shuichi had suddenly turned to face Yuki, looking a little grim. "Yuki…what would you do if I died?"_

_Yuki had turned cold at the very idea. "Lets not talk about it baka. It's a nice night…you want to watch a movie?" he'd evaded the question, but Shuichi was not one to give up when an idea stuck in his head. He'd stubbornly gone on bugging Yuki about it, until Yuki'd turned and told him in a casual tone that he'd have followed him._

"_Yuki! Promise me you'd never do that! Promise me if anything happens you'll go on living ok?" Shuichi had looked so puppy faced that Yuki'd promised him without thinking, while adding, "You're acting like a silly, clichéd school girl. Now you promise me the same."_

"I never thought it would be so soon." Yuki closed his eyes. He wanted to die…everyone who got close to him had to leave just when he was getting to know them…everyone he loved had left him alone. "I love you Shuichi…" he could go on repeating it over and over again and he would have felt like it wasn't enough. He didn't know how long he sat there, but by the time he decided to leave, the sky was dark, almost black. He got up slowly and placed a last rose on Shuichi's grave and started walking back. He noticed K silently fall into step with him and waited for the man to say something. But they went on walking towards the car in silence.

When they got to the car, K took the drivers seat and motioned for Yuki to get in. he was driving him home. After a while Yuki realized that they weren't heading in the direction of his apartment, he looked at K questioningly. "K, where are we…?

"We're going to get some food…we need to talk about…well a few things." K looked straight ahead like he didn't want to talk about those things after all.

"We don't have anything to talk about. I'm not hungry K-san; please drop me off at home." Yuki didn't want to sound so clipped, but they didn't have anything to talk about and he just wanted be alone with his thoughts right now.

The car suddenly screeched to a halt at a near by pavement. When K turned his face looked very controlled. "We have a few things to talk about Yuki. For starters, you tried to kill yourself last night…I know you promised Shuichi you wouldn't, I heard you mention it at the…there. But let me be frank, Mr. Seguchi and I want to keep an eye on you…I can understand how your feeling…I felt the same when my wife died. So we decided it would be good if one of us stayed with you for a while."

Yuki stared at him in disbelief. When he spoke, his voice was like ice. "I don't need you or Tohma interfering in my life. I promised Shuichi, so I won't be trying again…I don't need either of you staying with me and I think I'll leave now."

K caught hold of him as he left. "Mr. Yuki…Mr. Seguchi and I discussed this and I know we're intruding, but we think its best if someone was with you…not that I believe you'll try suicide again, but I don't think you're going to feel up to doing anything. It's only going to be for a little while." K cut him off as he opened his mouth to protest. "if you protest Mr. Yuki I'm going to have to report you attempt at suicide…then you'll just have lots more people watching you…its your choice." K let go of his arm hoping that his desperation wouldn't show. As much as he didn't want to do this, he wanted to be sure Yuki was alright before he left him alone. He wished Tohma was staying with Yuki instead.

Yuki was too tired to argue; at least his room was his own. He silently closed the door and stared ahead. K sighed and drove off…this was going to be so hard.

KK

KK

Tohma dialed K's number…he hoped his brother in law had agreed to let K stay with him for a while. He listened to it ring for a minute when he heard K's sleepy voice on the other end. Shuichi's manager was a very light sleeper…that was good.

"K-san…how did it go? Did I wake you?"

"It went alright I guess. I threatened to report his attempt if he didn't go along with our idea." Another yawn hit him answering Tohma's question. "Don't worry, Mr. Seguchi I'll take care of things here. I'll call you if anything goes wrong…I don't think he'll attempt it again."

"I know he won't. But K-san, I don't want to treat you like a babysitter or anything, but I really don't think Yuki's going to be ok soon. Could you please make sure he's alright? I'm giving you a month or so off from work…Do you mind?" Tohma sounded a little tense.

K sighed again. "Fine Mr. Seguchi. No I don't mind. Goodnight then, every thing will be fine you don't have to worry."

"Fine Mr. Seguchi. No I don't mind. Goodnight then, every thing will be fine you don't have to worry." Yuki heard K end the call and walk towards the kitchen. He padded up to the door and peeped out K was making yet another cup of coffee, then he (K) sat down on the couch and turned on the TV in low volume.

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After a few minutes he turned off the TV and covered his face with his hands. Yuki got back into bed, _why Shuichi…look at how you're going has affected us all?_ He clutched Shuichi's picture tightly, trying to hold in the pain, afraid to let it out.

In the living room, K had finally sat up again. This was torture, being made to stay with a man you loved, when he was in this state. It was tearing him apart all ready. He grimaced…he was here to keep and eye on Yuki and that was what he would do, enough moping around, he'd have to slowly cheer Yuki up, not to soon and not by acting cheerful to his face, but by being calm. He couldn't act like the maniac he was feeling like. He looked at Yuki's room. "I love you." He whispered. He told himself to stop being so stupid and lay back on the couch trying to get some sleep.

KK

A/N: are the characters alright? I mean do they seem like themselves? I'm really trying to keep them that way, but it's hard with the tragedy that's occurred. I mean the only time Yuki would cry, the way I figured was if Shu-chan died. Doing their feeling end up making me feel so low…but I need to build up the relationship here so if things are a little long and boring tell me when to start making them actually fall for each other…I'm trying my hand at writing a long story now. Chill people!

Arashi.


	3. A New Beginning

DISCLAIMER: I don't own gravitation or any of the characters, but I have all the episodes and OVA's. Phew now I can continue!

Chapter three: A New Beginning.

Yuki opened his eyes slowly. Pale light seeped in through his closed blinds. He looked around his room; he hadn't left it for a month now. He had just lain in bed and thought about Shuichi. The door opened and K came in looking dead tired. He was holding a tray with a bowl of cereal and some coffee. Yuki looked at him blankly and turned away.

"Yuki…I've got you some breakfast." K looked at the motionless figure on the bed and settled down to some more reasoning and arguing.

"No thank you." Yuki's deep voice sounded lost.

"You've got to eat something. Look I've even made your coffee the way you like it…come on just eat a little and you'll feel a little better. How bout you and I take a walk after that huh?" K tried a mildly cheerful voice which wasn't what he was feeling right now.

"I'd rather stay here. Leave me alone ok?" Yuki didn't bother to turn around and look at the hurt on K's face. He felt K place a hand on his shoulder.

"You've been in here for ages! And you haven't gotten out of that bed since the day of the funeral. You really should eat something and take a walk." K made Yuki face him and picked up the bowl of cereal and offered it to him.

"You know what? I said leave me alone! You don't have to care! It's my life. Let me live it the way I want to. Take your cereal and get out of my room and talk a walk if you like." The cereal bowl thudded against the wall and shattered when Yuki threw it. Something inside K snapped, as he caught hold of the other man and shook him.

"Get out of bed, you baka! You've been in here for a month! You'll just starve to death at the way you're going! You're thinking only about yourself! You don't care about anyone around you! You're not thinking of the people who care about you and want to help you. Is this the way you're keeping the promise you made to Shuichi? Look at you brother in law and sister…they're worried sick about you! And you know why I care?" K swallowed and took a breath. "I care because…well…I know if Shuichi was alive it would break his heart to see you like this. To see you, not keeping his promise. I'm going for a walk." K left the room and Yuki heard the sound of the front door shutting.

K walked down the street at a fast pace. He was loosing it…what kind of a guy was he to have lost his temper like that? Especially when Yuki was feeling so depressed. Not only that, but he'd almost given himself away! _I know if Shuichi was alive it would break his heart to see you like this._ No it was his heart which was breaking not Shuichi's. He picked up the phone and dialed Tohma's number.

"Ah…K-san. How is everything going?" Tohma sounded a little distant.

"I can't do this! He's not getting out of bed and he refuses to eat anything unless I argue endlessly with him. I give up." K said it slowly.

"I'm sorry K-san. I'll take over if you want me to. I might have better luck…when do you want me there?" Tohma sounded very concerned.

K thought about it. Did he really want Tohma to take over? Mika and Tohma were good people but they would fuss over him. "I'll call you back, Mr. Seguchi." K hung up and started walking back to the apartment.

KK

Yuki slowly got out of bed and walked to the living room. Yeah K had left alright. Yuki couldn't forget the hurt in the man's eyes as he had yelled at him. He looked around the living room, which was spotlessly clean. K had cleaned he whole place up everyday. He walked back to his room and picked up the coffee K had left on the tray and sipped it. It was exactly the way he liked it. He looked at Shuichi's picture. K was right he was acting insane. But he was going insane…there he was again thinking only about himself. He really hadn't thought about how it was affecting Mika and Tohma. K was giving them regular updates of course. He wandered aimlessly around the apartment. K had been pretty patient with him, throughout the week. He decided to take a shower and heard the front door opening as got into the bathroom.

KK

K came in and went straight to Yuki's room to apologize and panicked until he heard the shower. Then he went back to the living room and sat down. He tried his best to hold back his sobs, but they came anyway. He hadn't cried for so long. He put his head down into his arms and fought the losing battle of holding back his tears. It went against his morals of being a man. Men don't cry….he had driven the rule into his head until it had stuck there and driven him. He sat up and wiped his face, getting himself under control again. His phone started to ring and he picked it up and looked around. Yuki was no where to be seen. "Yeah, Mr. Seguchi."

KK

Yuki dressed and walked up to his door and opened his mouth to apologize to K…something he rarely did when he saw the blonde talking with his back turned to him.

"No, Mr. Seguchi…you don't have to come. It's ok. I just lost it for a while…I'm a little tired. Um…yeah I haven't been sleeping too well for a while, but that'll be ok. No I'm not giving up. He's taking a shower so I guess everything will be fine. I'm sorry for all the trouble Mr. Seguchi….yeah I guess you and Mrs. Seguchi can come and visit. Ok then I'll call you and tell toy how things are going. Good bye." As K turned around Yuki silently ducked into his room. Obviously he wasn't supposed to hear that. Why was K staying even when he had treated him so badly? Yuki went out and looked at the long haired man lounging on the couch.

"If you're having so much trouble here K-san…why don't you leave?"

K looked up a little startled, but managed to keep his composure calm. "I wouldn't mind leaving if you'd rather have Mr. Seguchi and your sister staying with you. I just thought that well you wouldn't want people fussing about you all the time. I could call and tell Mr. Seguchi that you want them to stay with you if you want, shall I?" K-looked at him practically.

"No thank you. You're right they _would_ fuss about me and worry. And Mika's pregnant so that wouldn't be too good for her." Yuki sat down in front of K.

"Alright then. They're coming to visit you anyway. So we can work that out then. What would you like for lunch?" K asked him.

"We'll order lunch today. You look like you could use some rest. You can use my bedroom; I've tidied it up a little. I'm going to…to pack away Shuichi's belongings and decide what to do with them. No I don't need any help. Just go get some sleep." Yuki moved towards the room where Shuichi usually slept when they'd had disagreements.

K looked at the retreating figure and then went to get some sleep. The way things were going he'd end up staying here for longer than another month.

KK

Yuki walked into his lover's room and looked around. Everything lay as it was in a big mess. He decided to start with Shuichi's clothes first. The closet was crammed with all the sleeveless or tank tops Shuichi wore. He found a box that could fit everything and started filling it one by one. First he found the yellow and green shirt with the whitish pink shirt Shu had worn they had first met. Then came the black tank top and shorts with the orange and yellow jacket Shuichi wore for his performances, the big orange shirt he had worn when they'd first slept together and the orange sweatshirt he'd worn when he'd first moved in and for their date together.

Each piece of clothing brought back memories from long ago. He carefully folded each item of clothing and put it into the box. Somehow he didn't feel like crying anymore, at least not yet. He hugged the blue vest Shuichi wore when he slept close before putting it into the box as well. In an hour's time the clothing was put away. Then Yuki started looking through the drawers and tried to decide what would have to go and what would have to stay. He found the tear off part of the pass to the Odaiba amusement park, where they'd gone for their first date. And the lyrics for shining collection the song he'd written about Shuichi for Nittle grasper to get him out of his slump. Then he found Shuichi's diary. The first entry he'd written was on the day Yuki had got back from New York.

_Today Yuki got back from New York. I have resolved to keep a journal from now on so as to record every waking moment of my life with the person i love best. I tried my hand at making pasta, but it was a disaster. The moment Yuki kissed me I forgot all about it! It was only when the water boiled over and evaporated that I realized I'd forgotten to check on the macaroni I was trying to boil. We had to order food again…then the night went on to be one of the best in my life. Yuki actually said he loved me! I can still hear it ringing in my ears the way his deep voice said it all. I wonder how anybody can love a person as much as I love Yuki. I prayed real hard to Buddha today that I might always be with Yuki whatever happens. Oh my god! I'm late for work I have to go!_

Yuki stopped reading and put it down on the table. He wondered if this pain would ever go. He continued checking the odds and ends and decided to keep the whole drawer full of stuff. He put all Shuichi's tapes into a smaller box and tucked it away into his locker in the basement of the apartment. He came back and looked at the room…it was spotlessly clean…as well as depressingly empty. He sat down and continued reading through diary, some entries making him laugh though it was painful. He heard footsteps and turned around, as K entered. The other man looked at him oddly for a moment as Yuki realized that his cheeks were wet…he hadn't realized when he'd started crying. He glanced at K when suddenly the man hugged him.

K hugged him impulsively, before he realized what he was doing. To his surprise Yuki didn't pull back, but stayed as still as a statue. Only his irregular breathing showed that he was crying quietly. As K pulled away a little he saw the silent tears coursing down Yuki's cheeks. He held the man closer waiting for him to stop crying when the doorbell rang rather loudly. They sprang apart and Yuki disappeared into the bathroom.

K opened the door, it was Tohma and Mika. He invited them in and saw Tohma looking at the wet spot on his shirt curiously. "Just dropped some water" he grinned a little apologetically.

"We brought you some lunch." Mika smiled a little, though it was a sad smile, which disappeared completely the moment Yuki appeared. His eyes were a little red and he looked thinner. He gave a tiny half smile when he saw them and didn't resist when Mika stood up and hugged him.

They got out the lunch and started eating, K watching the amount Yuki ate like a hawk making sure Yuki knew it. After the visit…they didn't stay very long, as it was really difficult to make conversation and Yuki kept indicating he'd rather be alone…K helped call the right people and gave away Shuichi's clothes. Then he and Yuki watched some news and a few other channels as well. The publisher's called Yuki asking him when he would be completing the book he was working on, as they need it in two months. Yuki decided to start work on it again and shut himself up in his room.

When K came in later in the evening he found Yuki frowning at the screen angrily. "How's it going?" he asked coming up behind him and staring at the screen.

"How does it look like its going?" Yuki glanced at him full of sarcasm. "I have writers black that's how it's going! I can't write anything…it was supposed to be a happy ending but I can't seem to get into the mood! I wonder why?"

K read a few lines and shook his head. "You know what Yuki? Forget the happy ending! The story seems good, but I guess you should just write what you're feeling now. When Shu…" his voice caught, but he continued. "Back then it would have been easier for you to write a happy story, so I guess you should just write what you're feeling now and the block won't be there. Dinner is waiting."

K started to walk away when he heard a very soft 'thank you K-san.' he turned around. Yuki was still gazing at the screen, his eyes a little bright, but he turned to look at K with a slight smile. K smiled back and went out. At least things were looking up somewhat.

KK

A/N: the fight seen was a little hard to do…but I did the best I could during the circumstances. Maybe in the next few chapters I'll make things work out a little more between K and Yuki. Maybe I'll make the next chapter short and continue the chapter after that with K and Yuki actually falling for each other somewhat. Anyway how was this chapter? I wrote most of this story listening to gravitation tunes to capture the emotion…sniff, I'm getting a little too sensitive which isn't good for a slightly Yuki like person like me.

Arashi.


	4. Becoming Friends

DISCLAIMER: i dont gravitation or any of its characters!

Chapter four: Becoming Friends

Yuki lay on his bed thinking about what K had said. Maybe he should just scrap the happy ending and just write about what he was feeling. Inspiration gripped him suddenly; he padded across the living room, trying not to wake K as he entered Shuichi's room with his laptop. He glanced at K sleeping on the couch with his long golden hair fanned out around him. He looked uncomfortable…_better get an extra bed or at least a sofa bed so that the poor guy could be comfortable _he thought.

He plugged it in and read through his story once making the necessary changes to turn it into a tragedy. He was a fast reader, so he'd finished making the changes in an hour's time. Then he started the scene where the heroine died in an accident, typing feverishly. The accident scene finished, he went onto the way the hero felt and how the heroine's friend was staying with the hero trying to help him get over the tragedy, scenes formed on the scene one after the other as Yuki wrote about the pain and loss he was feeling. All the confused emotions became clearer as he wrote. He didn't feel time passing and didn't even realize when the first light of dawn hit the window of his ninth floor apartment.

KK

K woke up to the incessant tapping of Yuki's laptop. He woke up, his long hair falling about his shoulder as he stood up. He peeped into the room and saw Yuki typing hard and staring into the screen without giving anything else the slightest notice. K made some coffee and walked into the room again. He placed the coffee on the table a little distance from Yuki's laptop and went for a shower. When he came back in again, Yuki still hadn't touched his coffee.

K smiled ruefully and went back to heat it up again. On second thoughts he made some more fresh coffee and helped himself to another mug, while heating Yuki's. Then he set it on the table once again, this time with a flask full of more, so that there would be some hot coffee as well and settled down comfortably on the only other chair in the room and watched Yuki at work.

It was four hours by the time Yuki pushed his chair away from the table and looked around. K had fallen asleep in the chair, and the coffee had gone cold again. Yuki picked up the flask and filled the half full glass with the steaming liquid. _It's really good_ he thought as he sipped it. He set the mug down after he had finished with a clunk which startled K out of his visit to dreamland.

"Huh? Oh. How is it going? You seemed pretty busy." K looked at him a little sleepily before giving a big yawn.

"You know if I keep this up I might finish it really soon. Long before the deadline for once. You know what K-san? You up for a walk? I want to go visit Shuichi…and then maybe we could get some lunch. I've been thinking…you're right about the 'getting some fresh air would do me good' idea." Yuki looked at the man questioningly.

"Yeah…I guess we could do that if you want to. I need to go for a long walk as well, stretch my legs and flex my magnum a bit." K grinned.

Yuki suddenly realized the men hadn't paid any attention to his magnum since Shuichi's death…since he'd been staying with Yuki.  
He gave him a half smile. "So who're you going to flex it on?"

"I dunno. Whoever gets in my way I guess? Uh…Yuki I want to visit…Hiro. I haven't seen him since that day at the hospital what with the funeral and all." He saw the way Yuki's face went pale. "Um…I'll drop you home and then go see him. I'll go after lunch. Oh and he just woke up two days back you know. He'll be leaving the hospital the day after tomorrow."

"I'll come with you." Yuki caught the puzzled expression on K's face. "I want to know exactly how it happened. If Hiro can tell me that is. No…I'm not going to force him K-san, he can tell me if he wants to when he sees me. Anyway, he was my Shuichi's best friend… I have to visit him don't I?"

They visited Shuichi's grave which already had small patches of grass forming on it. Yuki put his big bouquet of white roses on it, Shuichi's favorite flowers. They didn't speak for a while, K retreating into the background so as to give Yuki sometime alone. The pain on the younger man's face made him long to envelope him in a hug and tell him everything would be alright. But he held it in. however much he wanted Yuki and loved him, he would never be his. By keeping quiet he could at least have the man's friendship. So K leaned back against the tree he was standing under and kept silent.

Yuki came up to him after half an hour and they walked up to a restaurant two blocks away. The conversation was minimal but Yuki found himself liking Shuichi's manager a lot. The man kept himself to himself and let Yuki alone, he only offered advice when required and it was good advice at that. He could sense when Yuki liked to be by himself and now Yuki could see that K genuinely cared about him.

When they got the restaurant they decided to have a soup and a sandwich keeping the meal light. K looked at Yuki and saw that he looked much better for getting out of the house. "What kind of food do you like?" he asked asking any stupid question that came into his head.

"Anything usually, but I cant stand celery. I remember once Shui…" he cleared his throat and blinked. "Shuichi and Mika once kept arguing about how I'm misunderstood and Shuichi kept listing all the so called 'cute' thing I do. I got so irritated I kicked him out. The only consolation is that I'd stopped kicking him out when by the time he…" he let his voice trail off.

K smiled a little. "You know I remember the quiz show he took. Just before he answered that question about you he listed out a hundred things about you to keep him running on that treadmill. He always got his strength by thinking of you…but I suspect that you got your strength from him as well."

"Yeah I did." Yuki glanced away. "Right now I don't know how to go on. I'm just wondering why I made that stupid promise! If I hadn't then I could have just died in peace." He stopped a little surprised when K caught hold of his hand tightly.

"Don't you dare say that you baka? How do you expect to go on with your promise if you go on thinking that way? Stop it! Just try thinking positive." K didn't notice how pale he'd gone, but Yuki did. The Americans normal loud and cheery voice which even in bad times had a comforting quality was now sounding strangely strangled. K suddenly came to his senses and pulled his hand away.

Before Yuki could reply the waiter came and served them their food. they ate in silence, Yuki for some reason thinking of the first time he and K had talked alone, when K was threatening him about taking Shuichi to the amusement park and the way K had sniped at him. That K seemed so different and maniacal compared to this calm and understanding person.

"A penny for your thoughts" K's voice cut through.

"I was thinking about the time you sniped at me, forcing me to ask Shuichi out."

"Oh that. I would never really have shot you. But I guess I scared you enough to take Shuichi on that date. You know I'll never forget how he dressed up as a suitcase and tried to get to New York. He told the guy in the airport that he was trampling on the human rights of the suitcase! I had to yank him out of there with my fishing rod!" seeing the look of amazement pass over Yuki's face at the statement he shrugged. "Don't blame me for carrying things like that around when I'm Shuichi's manager. No one knows when something like that will be needed to get Shuichi out of trouble or some other situation. I miss him." K paid for the bill and stood up not looking at Yuki.

They went to the hospital and visited Hiro. He looked a lot better now, the IV tubes were out and the amount of bandages had lessened to a few band aids here and there and a big one on his head. He looked at them and gave a hazy smile as they entered. He looked drained out and his eyes were full of pain for the loss of Shuichi.

They chatted idly for a while the Hiro asked to talk to Yuki alone. When K had left the room, Hiro looked at Yuki, tears coursing down his face. "I killed him Yuki-san. I shouldn't have let him drive, knowing he was drunk. I saw him dozing off on the wheel, but was too drunk to do anything. Please forgive me. I know my apologies can't bring him back…but…"

Yuki turned to face the boy, though he wanted to blame him. it was so much easier having to blame someone instead of the knowledge that Shuichi was responsible for hiss own demise. "Hiro-kun, it wasn't your fault. No one's to blame in this alright? Both of you were drunk and weren't thinking. Stop feeling guilty, it won't bring Shuichi back. He wouldn't have wanted us to go on this way." He attempted a clumsy hug and comforted the boy. "I'll come and see you after you're out ok?" Yuki walked to the door, when Hiro called out his name.

"Yuki-san, you'll want to know…you were the last thing Shuichi remembered. He loved you alone in the whole world."

KK

That night as they sat around the TV, K noticed that Yuki was sliding into depression again. He switched of the TV and went up to him. "What's bothering you right now? I know Shuichi's gone, but you've been like this since you and Hiro had that talk."

Yuki looked right into his eyes and whispered. "I was the last thing he remembered. He loved me so much and I caused him so much pain over the years. Even if things were good at the end what's the use, he's gone now. I don't have anyone who'll be there for me like he used to."

K hugged Yuki Eiri for the third time in his life. "But think about it. He had the best time with you before he died. You said so yourself he loved you so much. The best thing in life is spending time with the person you love, regardless of how long." K pulled away and started walking to the other room where they'd brought and dumped the sofa bed. "Eiri…" he said using the writer's first name. When Yuki looked up he smiled at him. "I'm there for you, if you ever need me. Or else why the hell dyu think I'd be staying here?"

Yuki gazed at the empty door frame for a while and walked up to the room. "Thank you K-san."

KK

Eight months passed, but Yuki still needed K and they had just decided it was better to become roommates. Shuichi's old room had sort of become K's domain, though Yuki still wrote there sometimes. They'd collected all of Shuichi's things and built a smaller room in the apartment where they'd set it up neatly…Yuki's own private Shuichi shrine.

Though all the time had passed and K and Yuki got along fine K knew Yuki was still depressed. He didn't show it much, being his usual cold and composed self, but the complete sadness in his eyes betrayed him continually if you looked carefully. K shook his head as he drove to work, he wondered if Yuki would ever be happy. He reached and walked up to the recording studio where his new band Karasu, were messing around. The music sounded seriously demented as Taka, the lead singer pretended to be the American legend Elvis Presley. As K came in she looked up and smiled.

"K-san! I hope you're not going to give up on us. I was just having some fun. I know we were supposed to practice but Lance here brought some records of the Presley dude, so I was fooling around. But if you promise not to dump us I'll promise to practice…" Taka gave him a mischievous smile.

K grinned back but said in a reproving voice. "You're a very good singer, but you're gonna have to practice if you wanna make it big! And stop dissing Presley. He was an awesome singer!"

"Yes I'll admit he does have a good voice, but why does he sound like he's suffering from a cold all the time?" Taka sniffed and turned her back on K and started humming the tune for her new song.

K sighed and listened to the band belt out song after song. Most of them came out really well, but he wasn't paying much attention to them, until Taka suddenly stopped with a frown.

"K-san! Are you ok? I've made about ten horrible mistakes and you've just sat there nodding you're head in time with the music and staring ahead! Come on I'll take you out to lunch!" she caught hold of his arm and dragged him to a near by café after telling Lance to take care of the rest of the stuff.

There she sat him down in front of her and looked him in the eye. "Ok K-san, who is it and what's the problem?"

"What are you talking about "" K looked at her incredulously. She shot him a look of plain disbelief. That's when he stopped trying to lie. Taka was a good friend and they'd always got along pretty well…she wasn't as demented as Shuichi, but well they were a good band and in time they'd all become friends. "Yuki…Eiri."

"Yuki Eiri?" Taka looked at him a bit surprised. "Wasn't he Shindou Shuichi's lover? You room mate? Since when K-san?"

K nodded to most of her questions before answering. "Since forever. At least it seems like that. It started from the time I met him. But he and Shuichi were really good together, so I helped out and tried my best to keep them together. But now Shuichi's gone and well since Mr. Seguchi asked me to stay with Yuki since then we've gotten closer. I love him…more than anything…but he's not over Shuichi yet and anyway I'm not his type. So I'm trying to live with it and not say much, but it's so hard! In the last few months, it's almost slipped out so many times that I'm wondering what to do."

"Hm…are you sure he doesn't even think of you in that way K-san? After all it had been eight months." Taka saw him nod hopelessly and looked at him with concern. "Would it be so bad if you told him K?"

"He'd hate me! It would seem like I was being this nice just to get him to fall for me! I won't do it!" K almost yelled the place down.

Taka took his hand. "Calm down K-san. You know what? It'll all be fine. And well would it be a good idea for you to move out? I mean does Yuki-san still need you? Because you could always meet up with him a lot and still be friends but you won't be in danger of telling him."

K looked down considering it. It was true that Yuki wasn't dependent on him as before and in a way it would be easier to just meet him often instead of living with him, it would help him control himself better. But then…would it be that much easier? He looked at his watch it was already around three o clock. He had told Yuki he would be home by four. He smiled at Taka. "We'd better get going ok?"

"Yeah… I forgot that the live concert's next week. Oh and K-san can you give me some time off? I have to meet Darren in five minutes! I promise I'll go back by four and start practicing. Why don't you take some time off as well? You look like you need it." She smiled at him warmly before spotting her boyfriend at the entrance. "Oh there he is…" she started walking off when suddenly she paused and turned. "K-san…it'll be fine and the next time it almost slips out give me a call and we'll talk. It'll help you get your mind off it, and well I'm the only one who knows. But you know, I really think you should just find the right time and tell him K-san." she ran out and jumped on Darren's bike and they zoomed off.

Tell him? K shook his head that wasn't happening.

A/N: how was it? I'm thinking of a lot of things for the next chapter and I think they'll do it next chapter! Anyway sorry if Yuki seemed softer than usual…but maybe he would be like that if he lost Shuichi, but I'm going to get him back to character in the next chapter! Chill all!

Arashi.


	5. Confessions

Disclaimer: I don't own gravitation or any of its characters but Taka, Lance, Darren and the band Karasu I do own.

Chapter 5: Confession

Yuki tapped away on his keyboard waiting for K to come home. The house was getting kind of lonely and K was late. Maybe K was right and he should start going out of the house more. He heard the front door open and looked up as K walked into the room. "Oh its you." He went back to staring at the screen.

"Thanks for the nice and polite greeting. How's your book going?" K tossed his jacket on the couch and came up to stand behind him.

"Pretty good, but this time the editor wants a happy ending and I guess I'm going to have to give it to him. so your advice about writing what I feel isn't coming in very handy." Yuki saw a flicker of hurt in K's eyes but he didn't say anything. _That's not true, you have been feeling happy even if it's just a little bit for a while now and you'd never have taken up that book if you didn't think you could make it slightly happy._ The little voice in his head argued.

"Well maybe you should just give it a shot. You can't always have your cake and eat it too." K picked up a mug of coffee and studied Yuki's cold face. He was going back to being himself…the cold controlled Yuki Eiri.

"I think I already realized that baka…I wouldn't even be trying otherwise. What happened to you? Run out of the usual stream of advice you give?" Yuki glanced at him.

"Yeah I guess. Hey I'm just going to crash for a while ok? Then we can do whatever we want to do for the night…I'm a little sick of sitting around at home." K walked off into his room, not noticing the way Yuki stared after him.

KK

Yuki watched the American disappear into his room and scowled. _Why can't the guy sit down and talk for a while? Can't he see that I'm feeling lonely? K used to understand me so well and now it's almost like we're strangers_. Yuki stopped the trail of thought angrily. He had never depended on anyone other than Shuichi and he didn't need to start depending on K now.

A week passed with Yuki acting unapproachable and K feeling confused and desperate. At last he decided to contact Taka and talk to her about it. If he didn't then well it would drive him nuts. He went into the studio and found her practicing for the concert, the next day. He pulled her aside.

"Taka, I need to talk to you." Before she could answer, she found herself at the café where they'd talked the day before. K looked very serious, she almost felt scared.

But when they sat down, it was in silence until she got a little impatient. "K-san…what is it?" she looked at him full of concern. He looked up at her, his eyes a little too bright as he filled her in on Yuki's behaviour for the past week.

"It's almost like he doesn't want me there anymore. I mean I knew he was cold but he's been specially cutting for the past few weeks and I don't know how to take it. I haven't said anything, but he's so sarcastic and vicious about anything I do! I know he's not feeling too good about something, but for once I have no idea what it is…he doesn't let me touch him or talk to him out right…there's always an excuse. I can't tell him anything now Taka-san. It's just going to make him feel worse." K angrily brushed away a tear that ran down his cheek…fine he was feeling desperate and hurt but he didn't have to cry!

Taka came closer and hugged him. "Maybe he's just not able to express his feelings K-chan," she said in a soft sisterly voice. "Maybe you should just sit him down and ask him what's going on and you guys should talk things out. You have a right to ask because apart from the fact that you love him, you're his roommate. And well if you think he doesn't want you there, ask him about it. I can tell you all this is purely because of lack of communication, on both your sides."

K pulled away slowly. What she was saying seemed right. He'd go home right away and talk to Yuki. He didn't have to tell him he loved him, it would just be a roommate kind of talk. He started feeling kind of stupid. "I should have thought of that, maybe been more firm, I'm feeling really stupid right now. An eighteen year old's giving me the advice, I should have thought of."

Taka grinned. "Firstly apart from music this eighteen year old is studying psychology and secondly love usually makes people desperados, neh? I mean I had to ask my little brother for advice on Darren last week. And to tell you the truth if I hadn't been feeling tired and worried I could have thought of it myself!"

K grinned at her. "I'd better get going Dr.Taka. I have to put your advice to work. Um…get on with the practicing, you sounded pretty good you know." K ran out of the café and all the way back to his car.

KK

Yuki walked out of the grocery store and stopped in surprise. K was sitting at the café across the street with a beautiful girl of about eighteen. She had long black hair that fell to her hips, dark blue eyes and full red lips. He saw K say something and then the girl came closer and hugged him. Yuki felt a wave of some strange emotion envelope him. His eyes narrowed as a sudden anger swept him off his feet. He watched as the girl smiled at K and whispered to him. it looked like they were joking around, like the girl really loved K, the knowledge certainly made him feel strange. At last after what seemed to him like hours (it was only twenty minutes) K pulled away and after a few minutes of hurried conversation, he saw K start jogging in another direction. The girl got up too watching the man jog away, before walking back to what Yuki supposed was the studio.

He stood there watching the empty table for a while, the picture of the girl hugging K still vividly imprinted in his memory. He turned away slowly and began walking back to his apartment. _So K has a girlfriend and he hasn't even told me! Though why am I feeling so mad? Maybe that's the reason why he's acting so lost lately. Maybe he wants to move out…but staying with me hasn't been so binding I mean I can let him have a girlfriend if he wants one! But…I don't want K to have a girlfriend…_

_KK_

"Yuki!" K found the whole house empty. "Maybe he's gone out somewhere. Oh well guess I'll have to wait." He flopped down on the sofa full off determination and a little bit of happiness. He was so sure it was going to work. Yuki would see reason and they'd work it out and he'd know what was bugging the blonde so much!"

He switched on the TV and flicked to one of the music channels. Karasu's new single 'Tsuki' was playing. He moved his head in time to the tune, they were not bad, not as good as bad luck perhaps…there was room for improvement, but if they did practice harder, they'd definitely reach the top! He frowned Nittle Grasper was still at the top of the charts and bad luck not far behind…so Shuichi still lived through his music. He switched off the TV…Yuki was still not back; he risked flicking through one of the drawers and found, the single 'Glaring Dream'. He shrugged as he put it on; this was one song that he liked a lot for some odd reason. He could relate to the lyrics. He lay back and closed his eyes drowning in the music.

Yuki unlocked the door, when the blast of Shuichi's voice singing hit him.

"Tsumetai toki ga yume o furaseru

kono te no naka o suri nukete

negai…"

Yuki walked up to the music system and switched it off. K woke up suddenly as the music stopped, he started at Yuki's angry pain filled face stupidly, as the realization of his stupidity dawned on him. Glaring Dream, the song that Shuichi had met Yuki with…their song what had he been thinking? He opened his mouth to apologize, when Yuki's punch hit him full in the face. He grit his teeth and turned to face his roommate.

"Yuki! I…" but what was he going to say? He'd forgotten it was their song? That he'd just been so happy at how things were supposed to be working out, that he'd stupidly decided to listen to bad luck? "Yuki, I'm sorry I wasn't thinking…I was just…"

"That's just it! You haven't been thinking at all in the last few weeks. You've just been so lost in your own thoughts that you haven't paid any attention to anybody else! You keep walking in and out of the house like a bloody zombie! It's driving me nuts you understand…I don't even know you anymore! And now you go around playing Shuichi's songs as though everything's ok! I'm still not over him! Us staying together was ok before, at least you understood me, but you're losing that too. Why can't any of you ever leave me alone?" Yuki stood glaring at him in the centre of the room, trying to erase the memory of K and the girl.

"That's because I…" K stopped in mid sentence; he knew that was driving Yuki nuts too, stopping in mid-sentence every time. He swallowed but didn't say anything. Yuki just went into his room and shut the door with a bang. K looked at the door for a while and dialed Taka's number. He got the answering machine.

"Taka, things have gone from bad to worse. Call me back I want to discuss the idea we had before." K walked into what he had considered his own room for eight months as well, hanging around in front of Yuki's room wasn't going to make the atmosphere any less tense.

KK

It was dinner time. Yuki considered staying in his room through out, but decided maybe it would be better to face K instead. He rested on the idea of apologizing for a while, and decided against it. He was not the apologizing kind of person. He yanked himself out of bed and walked out as the phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hello? May I speak to K-san please?" a soft woman's voice sounded on another end. Yuki felt himself tense a bit.

"Just a minute. May I know who's speaking?" Yuki tried not to sound so cold but it was of no avail.

"Um…this is Taka from Karasu…"

Karasu that was the band K was handling now! So it was the girl from the café in the afternoon. Yuki kept silent, when suddenly…"Yuki-san, isn't it?"

"Yes" he replied wondering what she wanted with him.

"I was wondering, tomorrow's my first live concert and well…I'd love you to come with him if possible…could you?" Taka sounded kind of nervous. Yuki frowned a little thoughtfully. He tried to kid himself that he wanted to go for the music, but he knew he was actually going to keep an eye on Taka and K.

"Fine, I'll be there. Now I'll get K." Yuki walked up to K's bedroom and knocked. "Come in." K sounded completely low. It made Yuki feel a little guilty, but when he went in, he kept up his cool appearance. "Phone call." K took the phone expressionlessly.

"Hello? Oh hey Taka. Yeah I wanted to speak to you." He looked up at Yuki with a look that plainly said he wanted some privacy. "Um yeah…well you got my message…" Yuki could see he was stalling until he stepped out of the room. When the door closed in his face, Yuki wondered whether to eavesdrop, but picking up the extension was too risky. He dropped to the ground quietly…maybe listening through keyholes wasn't as bad.

He could hear K clearly. "So maybe what you suggested earlier will have to be the solution. We can't talk things out obviously…he wont give me a chance to. No I haven't told him, I can't tell him. He'd go berserk. I'll also have to find a place to stay…yeah maybe meeting occasionally is the only way…"

"What? No I can't stay with you. I'll find a place; don't worry…after all its eight months, so you're right he should be over Shuichi. I'll have to tell the clients in my old apartment to clear out. No I've made up my mind, it's the best way. At least we won't be getting on each others nerves and we can still be friends if he wants to……fine then…if I really can't take it I'll stay with you for a day or two. Thanks for calling Taka…you're the greatest. Yeah it's helping. Bye then and best of luck…what? Oh I'll bring him then…if he wants to come that is. Yeah bye."

As he heard the phone click, Yuki scrambled off the floor and got to the kitchen just in time. K walked in looking a mixture of happiness and grimness. "So are you coming tomorrow? For the concert?"

"Yeah…I haven't been out in a while. Haven't had fun either. Do you mind?" Yuki couldn't keep the chill out of his voice.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry for this afternoon. I should've been more considerate. Sorry for not thinking for a while too, having a few problems." K turned away a little abruptly. "I'm not hungry right now. I'm going to get to bed…haven't been sleeping too well."

Yuki watched K walk away and sighed. So K wanted to leave huh? Well he had expected K to get sick of him long back. Just expecting it and having it come true were two different things. He was going to live with Taka…he had said for two days, But Yuki knew it would be more. They were in love…but for some reason he couldn't accept that! He wanted K…he wanted to walk into that room right now and tell him. He closed his eyes, the only time he had hurt this much was when he had left Shuichi behind and gone to New York…and well he had hurt more when Shuichi had left him…for good.

Yuki walked back to his room and tried to get some sleep…but the image of Taka hugging K bothered him all night long. Could he lose K as well?

KK

K on the other hand looked forward to another sleepless night. So he'd decided to leave…at least Yuki would be relieved, he didn't have to room with a blundering idiot anymore. He decided he'd leave, but first he'd give it another chance, just to see how things were going. Another argument and he'd leave for sure. Now all he had to concentrate on was keeping shut about his love for Yuki for the next few days. He hoped it would be as easy as it seemed.

KK

Yuki looked into the mirror. He looked good. The soft gray polo neck sweater and black trousers made him look sophisticated but not too formal. He never wore t-shirts…they were too casual for his taste. He smiled a little and walked out. He almost stopped dead in his tracks. K was dressed very casually…blue jeans with a red sleeveless v-neck t-shirt that looked as if he'd carelessly yanked it on. It hugged his muscular body showing it off to the best advantage. Yuki swallowed and entered as calmly as he could, fighting down the urge to kiss K senseless.

K turned as he entered and smiled. "Looking good. So shall we leave?" They walked up to the car and reached in time, thanks to K's skill in driving. The concert was really good…Taka and Lance out did themselves and the audience went wild. Nittle Grasper was also there, Ryuichi as usual getting hyper and trying to jump on Taka every time she came in for a break. At last they finished and Taka spotted them. She came running up and grinned.

"Was it good?" She asked K beaming.

"Yes it was. And I've got a surprise for you…you'll be performing on Hit stage next week!" K almost suffocated as she enveloped him in a big hug and kissed his cheek. Then she ran off shouting for Lance to hear the big news. Yuki looked away…he wondered how he could have thought he would be alright watching K and Taka together.

The party that followed was long and Yuki spent most of the time at the bar. K was drinking a lot too, but he suggested they leave early and yanked Yuki off. He was extra careful as he drove home...Shuichi's death still somewhat fresh in his mind.

As they entered the apartment, Yuki looked at him blearily.

"When are you leaving?" the words came out in a sort of mumble. K stopped and turned to face him, looking surprised. "I heard you talking to her…to Taka, your girlfriend. When are you leaving?"

K's expression turned to incredulity. "_You were listening_?"

Yuki suddenly pushed him away and started yelling. "_You never told me! I saw you with her at the café as well. I saw you hugging. You didn't even have the courage to tell me you were leaving you bastard! You said you'd be there and now you're leaving too! You're going live with her! Are you already so sick of me? Is that why you've been avoiding me for the past few weeks?" _He fell forward on to his knees; the drink wasn't letting him hold himself up. K caught him and held him. His voice was low.

"No. I'm not in love with Taka…I'm in love with you. That's why I wanted to leave…I love you Yuki."

Yuki looked up at him surprised, but before he could answer K had kissed him crushing his mouth against the younger man's. He started kissing the novelist's neck; he slipped his hands under his shirt and rubbed his stomach with slow sexy movements. Yuki moaned slowly as K's kisses got a little harder. He kissed the American hard, his hand stroking his back. K moaned into Eiri's mouth.

K started trailing kisses down his chest, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt as well. He lifted Eiri up on to the kitchen counter which was the nearest place he could find. Eiri grabbed his T-shirt and yanked him up for another long passionate kiss. Eiri slipped one of his hands under the waistbands of K's jeans and started to caress him. K gave a gasp of pleasure and broke off. "Don't you think we should head somewhere more comfortable?" his voice came out a little strangled. He continued to kiss Eiri while backing into the bedroom. He pushed Eiri down on the bed and kneeled over him. His long hair fell about them in soft locks.

Eiri undid his trousers and slipped them off as much as he could when K was in that position. He slid his hands up K's chest before fingering his nipples gently. He could see K was already hard and ready to cut to the chase. He grinned evilly. He sat up slightly leaning against the pillows for support and yanked K's boxers down a bit. Then he went down on him kissing, stroking, and doing anything he felt like doing. K arched his back thrusting in to Eiri's mouth. He couldn't take it anymore and ripped off Eiri's trousers. Then he kissed him roughly and thrust into him. Eiri groaned with pleasure. After a while he rolled K over…"I'm seme too you know" he said in a hoarse voice and smiled sexily as he started to caress him a little more.

KK

K woke up and looked at the time…it was five in the morning. He looked down at Yuki on the other side of the bed, sleeping peacefully, when all the details of last night hit him. He groaned softly…he hadn't heard Yuki say he loved him even once. What had he done? Yuki was drunk and he'd taken full advantage…he had been kind of sober. He got out of bed carefully and dressed. It was time to leave…he couldn't face Yuki Eiri after this. He picked up his duffel bag and crammed a few things into it…the trouble was where to go? K stood in the doorway for a few seconds…he made up his mind and left.

A/N: ok kinda long chapter, but I couldn't stop once I began. Do you think what K did was right? I dunno cos the idea hit kind of suddenly. I'm starting to think K's acting a little stupid…I talked to him about it but he says he'll stick with this character for now…Shuichi's still going ballistic that I dared get them together, but we've got him tied up and stuffed in the closet for a while. And anyway Yuki's still in New York unaware of this story which might be done before he gets back. (Ok back from imagination now.) Hope you liked it. TT

Arashi.


	6. Losing you

Disclaimer: i dont own gravitation or any of its characters.

Chapter 6:

Yuki woke up and stretched. He had to admit it was the best night he'd had in days. K's voice whispering I love you still echoed in his mind. He looked around…K was no where to be seen. "He must have gone to work" Yuki concluded, but went to look in his room anyway. His eyes widened in shock as he stood at the doorway, most of K's clothes were gone…so was his bag.

"I'm having a nightmare. This really can't be happening. I'm going to wake up and K's going to be right here by my side." Yuki closed his eyes and supported himself against the door frame. He took a deep breath…he would mostly be at Taka's…something had gone wrong last night…he would find out what and solve it. He picked up the phone and looked for Taka's number…he found it at last.

"Hello?" Taka sounded sleepy and really tired.

"Taka-san! Is K with you?" Yuki sounded frantic he knew it but he really couldn't keep his tone calm.

"Umm…no. Why? Did something go wrong?" Taka was wide awake now. "Tell me what happened."

Yuki filled her in on the details keeping as discrete as he could without missing any points. "And now he's gone…if he loved me why would he be gone?"

"He must have…just a minute." Yuki heard a male voice on the other side sounding sleepy and irritated. Taka came back quite quickly. "What did you say when he told you? Nothing? Yuki-san he's off thinking he took advantage of you. At least that's what he told me! No not last night, he told me he couldn't tell you because it would seem like he was taking advantage of you. And you were pretty drunk so that would have added to his conscience. You didn't say anything and you were drunk, so he's feeling guilty. Don't worry I'll contact you if he calls or if he comes to work."

Yuki hung up and sat down. K had done exactly what he had done to Shuichi when he went off to New York. Yuki gave a bitter laugh; history was repeating itself only now he was the one going frantic with worry. He glanced at Shuichi's picture and gave a half smile… "So what? Should I try dressing up like a suitcase and going all over the world?" the phone started to ring and he almost fell over as he grabbed it.

"Hello?"

"Eiri? It's me Tohma! What happened? Taka called to let me know, but K? And you? What's going on?" Yuki once again told his brother-in-law everything…Tohma came over at once. History repeated itself once more as Yuki buried his face in Tohma's shoulder and sobbed like a baby.

"I'll do everything to find him, don't worry." Tohma smiled grimly wondering how far his resources would help him this time. He stayed till lunch time keeping Yuki, company and then had to leave to buy some more baby food for his son.

KK

K looked out the window of the plane at the small blobs which were the islands of Japan. He was heading back America, to Washington DC where he used to stay before he moved to Tokyo. He was going to see his old family home again and see Mary's grave. He sighed…it didn't seem like he was going to get out of depression for while. His phone rang again, Yuki had already called four times and now it was Taka. He didn't even try to pick up his phone, but it didn't stop ringing. He switched it off and sighed…if Yuki had got Taka on the case then he wouldn't be able to use the phone again.

He went through all the things that had happened last night. Yuki would hate him for this, but there was no way he could face him after the way he'd acted. He should never have agreed to room with him. K fell into a troubled sleep, when he woke up the plane was about to land.

The next hour was full of bustle as he ran from one counter to the next trying to get a ticket to Washington and running for the gate that was what seemed like a mile away. As he settled back into his seat on the plane to Washington, K realized the last hour was the only time he hadn't thought of Yuki. "Well I don't want to start that again. I'm out of his life for good…he doesn't need me and maybe I really don't need him." K turned his thoughts to Washington. Memories of Mary and their son came flooding back to him. He had met Mary, in a store where he gone to buy a pair of trousers. Her beautiful green eyes were what made him notice her first. She ad been so pretty and sweet, his Mary. Then about a year after their marriage their son Matthew had been born. Those were the best days of his life, he could still remember how Matt had looked up to him and how he'd played with the little guy for hours on end. But that accident had killed them all…he'd died too, a thousand deaths for every single time he had to attend that trial till the criminal got behind bars. The driver had been going too fast and hadn't stopped for a signal. Mary and Matt had been killed instantly. He 'd then made sure that he got justice and packed up and left for Japan with Ryuichi.

Time positively flew; he landed in Washington and made his way straight to the grave yard. Looking at his family's graves, he was surprised that the intense feeling of pain was gone. It still hurt but not as much as it used to. It was almost like his mind and heart had accepted his loss, and were making it bearable. He sat down and talked softly to his wife. He told her everything that had occurred and what he was going to do about it. Then he left for a not so well known hotel, where Tohma couldn't find him very easily. He sank in to the bed and suddenly felt sleepy. "Goodbye Yuki."

KK

Mika knocked on the door for the fourth time, but there didn't seem to be anyone home. Sighing she reached for the spare keys and opened the door. The place was a mess…she looked around and found Yuki lying on the floor unconscious with cans of beer scattered around. She found a clean spot on the sofa and put her son, Yukio there. Then she dragged Yuki to the bathroom and dumped him in the tub.

The cold water rushed on to his head making him gasp. He looked up and saw Mika standing innocently by the wall. He leaped out of the tub and glared at her.

"What do you want now?"

"I want you to stop moping around. I've had enough of this Eiri, I didn't say anything when Shuichi died…you had K to look after you and he was patient enough to bear with your tantrums. I used to be patient, but I'm not anymore so you're going to stop being mournful and take life into your own hands." She tossed him a towel. "If you love K so much go and find him! It's been a week…you have to understand that K's feeling guilty and angry with himself, he's not going to come back…and well Shuichi went after you didn't he? You can't always be the one being chased; sometimes you've got to do the chasing."

They walked back to the living room. Mika picked Yukio up and cuddled him a bit. "I found out where K lived before…it's a place called Maple Hill in Washington D.C. he moved out when his wife and child died but his neighbors were still there. They told me they hadn't seen him since he left. But I still think you should go to Washington…even if you don't find him, you'll have a break and well you could live there for a while you know…get over whatever's happened and then come back?"

Yuki looked at his sister thoughtfully, what if he didn't find K? Could he bear to stay in the same city? 'Be strong' another part of him whispered. 'Take a chance…life's not always fair!' suddenly an idea started to form in his mind. He looked at Mika grimly. "I completely agree with you. I'm going to Washington. And well Mika if it's not too much of a bother…book my tickets for me will you?"

Mika looked at him slightly surprised, she'd come prepared to coax him for hours. "Fine." She left.

KK

Yuki stared at Shuichi's picture. "You gotta help me brat. I've never done this before…I hope I succeed." He started packing with new found determination.

After he finished he gave Taka a call and filled her in on his plans. "Do you think it'll work Taka-san?"

Taka smiled. "Of course it will…I'll make sure Darren takes care of it."

Taka hugged him. "It's ok Eiri-san. You'll be fine. Don't forget to e-mail or call!"

"This is the last call for air America 294." The announcer's voice could be heard blurredly in the noise of the airport. Yuki stood up and waved to everyone before walking through the door. He was going to find K, if he didn't…he wouldn't think about that now.

A/N: a pretty short chapter neh? Well I'll try to write longer. Thanks everyone who reviewed. Hope you enjoyed this one. Sorry for taking so long. Sayonara for now.

Arashi.


	7. All I Ever Wanted

Disclaimer: I don't own gravitation or any of the characters except Taka, lance, Darren and the house keeper. Oh yeah and K's family. Enjoy!

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Chapter seven: AllI ever wanted..

"How much did you say it was?" Yuki worked out the total sum on the sheet. "Good I'll buy it then. When do you think I can move in? By tomorrow! Thank you Mr. Howard, I'll get in touch in case of any problems."

Yuki hung up and dialed another number. Taka, Tohma, Mika and the rest were at Tohma's house waiting for his call. "Hello?" came the chorus of voices on the speaker phone. Yuki sighed what would a caller have thought if it hadn't been him.

"I got it." These simple words were greeted by a cheer which almost blew his ears off.

"You'll find him! You will he'll have to come to that house!" he heard Taka going berserk with Ryuichi. "Good job Eiri I'm so proud" and a noisy wail and the sound of tears, Mika was still having mood swings. "Well its up to you now Eiri."

Eiri convinced all of them that he was feeling really hopeful too. He hung up and sank into the comfortable bed in the hotel room. He was still feeling doubtful…if this plan failed then it would hurt harder. He sternly told himself to stop worrying; he would find K for sure whether he had to put up a missing persons placard everywhere or if he had to put it in a newspaper.

As he was drifting off to sleep a thought flitted across his drowsy mind. _After all how long could K stay away from the home he lived in with his wife and child?_

----------------------

Yuki dragged the last box in. The house had been sold with all the old furniture. At last he took a breath and looked around. It was very cozy looking…with nice creamy yellow walls and dark red furniture. The tables and lamps were all black metal and glass, giving a homey but classy effect.

He could imagine K sating there with his wife and children, his face a glow with happiness. He had seen pictures of Matt. He moved into the dining room, where the kitchen was on one side with a counter making it easy to pass the food. The table was big enough of seat about ten people…they must have had a lot of company. The kitchen was the nicest thing with all the necessary gadgets.

Yuki moved upstairs and came to a nice big bedroom on the left. It was covered with nice embroidered quilts and was painted a nice peach shade. Yuki smiled it must have been Mary's choice…K hated all shades of pink or peach. The bathroom that connected to it was large and spacey.

The last room Yuki came to was a bit of a shock. It was painted blue and a small race car bed lay in the corner. Posters of Barney and Pokémon lined the walls. A few boxes lined another wall, Yuki had wanted the house just as it was…untouched. He'd just asked for a cleanup to be made and the furniture arranged like it used to be four years back.

He walked up to the boxes and opened them. Small stuffed toys, cars and Dr. Seuss books came out one after another. He found a small painting at the bottom…a drawing of K, Mary and Matt. He could imagine the small four year old sitting on the floor drawing it. Yuki looked at the picture for a long time, before sitting up and arranging things the way they used to….he had seen some of it in a picture. It was almost like it was someone else arranging the stuffed toys and the small shelves…when he was done, Yuki suddenly felt a little uneasy. Arranging a room would not bring K's family back but then… he shook himself and walked out of the room quickly. In a strange way he felt at peace…but he never acted like that…maybe he was losing it.

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K sat at Mary's grave once more. It had been four months since he'd been there last. He hoped Yuki had stopped looking for him. But it wasn't that easy for him to get over Yuki, he still felt like taking a plane back to Japan and begging his forgiveness. But still, it was best for him and for Yuki if he just stayed away.

K stood up after a while still lost down memory lane. He just let his brain do the directing, mechanically crossing the signals and crossroads. Soon he came back to his senses and found himself standing at the gate of his old house. He looked at it for sometime and at the green jaguar parked in front of it. He'd heard that somebody had bought the house. Abruptly he turned and left…he didn't need the pain of old memories coming back.

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K tossed and turned. He really couldn't sleep. For the past week he had been considering going back to his house and asking the new owners if he could just look around. His last look at the past. Then he would just move and start all over again.

The next day K jogged up to the house. He rapped on the door before he could turn away again. The door opened and he found himself staring….right into the big brown eyes of a big middle aged woman. "How may I help you sir? The master's out."

"I used to live here…I was just wondering if you'd let me look around…please just one look." The pain in his eyes convinced the woman, that he really wouldn't steal anything.

"Alright sir. But one quick look please. If the master gets back I don't think he'd like it. He's very moody my master is." She couldn't complete the sentence as K pushed past her and walked into the house.

He stopped in wonder…everything looked the same. Nothing had been changed save for the TV and the stereo next to it. He walked into the kitchen, a few red peppers lay on the chopping as if the chef had discovered he needed something else urgently. Which could have been the reason the master was out.

He went up the stairs two at a time. He found his old bedroom just the way it was, except that no books or CD's were on the bedside tables. _God, this fellow must be really clean or he liked his house unusually bare._ He left and headed for his son's room. This was where he stopped completely in shock. Matt's toys and belongings had been arranged exactly as before. The only thing missing was Matt sitting on his mall rug in the centre. There was a laptop in the centre on the rug now.

"Well…you had to turn up sometime didn't you? I guess I wasn't waiting in vain." K whirled around to see Yuki leaning against the doorframe. "I almost gave up hope." He walked into the room past K and picked up one of the bunnies that had fallen and placed it back on the shelf.

"Just like Shuichi's replica of Kumagoroo neh? If I hadn't gotten back that laptop would have been a dead give away! What took you so long anyway? Are you going to answer or just gape at me?" Neither Yuki's voice nor expression gave away the emotional turmoil he was feeling inside. He just looked like the normal cold, hard Yuki.

"I…How did you get here?" K still looked at Yuki with his mouth hanging open. "And Why?" he broke off and looked around.

Yuki walked up until he was right next to K. "You didn't think I'd just give up on you, did you? I was determined to find you or die trying. I let Shuichi go because you stopped me and also because I didn't have a choice." He laughed bitterly. "What I really didn't expect was to fall in love you and have history repeat itself with you doing exactly what I did to Shuichi." He glared at K sideways.

K turned around and stared at him. "Fall…love…with me?" he felt really dazed and Yuki's cold glare wasn't exactly helping reinforce his words. "You're in love with me?"

In answer he got a kiss that crushed the breath out of him. He kissed back hungrily, until Yuki broke apart gasping for breath. "Do…you…want…lunch?"

"Why not?" K followed him down to the kitchen. Over lunch they recounted everything that had happened since K had left and a great many things the other had not noticed since when K had not left.

That night Yuki grabbed K in a kiss. "Never leave me again…if you dare leave me again…"

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"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Taka and Darren kissed softly and the church broke into cheers.

Taka grinned at them all and then ran to the mike. "I wrote this for you Darren." Lance struck up a beat. And the hall filled with rock music. Taka's mother covered her years. The song finished abruptly when Darren swept her off her feet and carried her down to the limo. K and Yuki smiled and ushered all the guests away towards the exits and some of them into cars giving them the directions to the reception.

After than they sank down onto the chairs. After a while Yuki grinned at him…."At least we don't have to go through this."

K grinned back when a sudden thought of Yuki in a wedding gown came to him, and he burst out laughing with Yuki pummeling him.

-----

"See Shu-chan, what did I tell you? They're going to be fine." Mary gave Shuichi a know it all look.

"Hey…I'm the dumb one…I'm always wrong, but when Yuki gets here he's mine!" Shuichi looked determined.

"Well…if that cute angel you keep grinning at is any indicator I don't think that's so." Mary winked and faded away. And Shuichi followed muttering.

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A/N: ok so it's finished at last. The ending kinda just came…its kinda unchangeable now. Well I hoped you enjoyed it and I enjoyed writing this. Thank you all my reviews, for a lot of encouragement…I couldn't have had the courage to finish if it weren't for you. (At least now I can let Shuichi out of the closet and Yuki's back which spurred me on as well….now I'm looking forward to facing his sarcasm)

Arashi.


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